floraz's Journal

I've gone back to my old journal, as this one is full of unhappiness. You can find me at livejournal.com/~megan2

We're reading parts of the Iliad for my gods, goddesses, and demons course. Even though Troy was not especially acurate, it aquainted me with names. So, for example, Agamemnon didn't cause a what the hell is this guy's name reaction. And I can put faces to the names, which I don't mind, especially when Achilles is Brad Pitt. It was assigned in high school, but like most else I got by in that class with an A without doing the reading. I miss high school. At least, I miss not having to do any work and still passing all my classes. I suppose college would have been like that if I went to class more.

My car is not a very happy car right now. I don't really want to get into it more than that. My brother is being awesome and letting me borrow his car (he goes to school in the city), except this weekend he's going upstate so he needs it. But I get it back Sunday night, which is really good because classes begin Monday. I am psyched for that. I went on two job interviews this week. One is to be a permanent substitute teacher in a preschool. The other is to work at this gymboree type place for little kids and their moms, dads, babysitters, whoever. Point being I'd just have to lead the activities, not keep track of the young 'uns and their well being.

J got me to sign up for this site called OKCupid, mostly by showing me all the hot girls he met on there. There seem to be a lot of them in LA. I'm really not looking to make new friends, on or off line, but okc has all these tests and quizzes and whatnot that you can spend hours at wasting your time, so it has its purpose in my life. I'm narrowing down who I want to babysit/nanny for. I also feel like I'm going to a million doctors, as I am still interviewing for an emdr specialist (google it and go to the third or fourth hit, emdr international).

I went to the half gym basketball court today. They have a ball at the front desk you can use. Oh, yeah, and the gym is indoors, which is awesome in the winter. I practiced layups and shooting, especially those left handed layups. I used to prectice those all the time when I played at John Jay. I miss playing basketball, both on a team and at menninger. After that I went to the gym and did some leg weights, because I noticed I was not getting off the ground much with the shooting. Also, I like that machine. Pelosi is being sworn in soon. Woot.

I went to the cheesecake factory with my grandma and Sondra yesterday. I had the best chicken teryaki with rice. I didn't think a place that wasn't Japanese would make it so well. I guess it's not difficult to do, but it was really good. We passed on cheesecake. I don't think theirs is especially better than anyone else's anyway. I talked to Sondra about going to watch Rachel (her daughter/my cousin) swim. She's a really good swimmer. So that's something to do after the holidays. Hanukkah is almost over, but it's been a happy one. Party on Friday, the last night.

I made a makeshift menorah out of nine tealight candles. It's really pretty. I said all three blessings. The shechekiyanu was difficult. I know that sounds irreverent or even blasphemous to say, but on Thursday my behavior therapist and I finally decided that the course of action we've been taking is not going anywhere. She was more hopeful than that. There are still more meds to try and more ritual prevention to continue.

I went to the fitness center tonight. I didn't do that much of a work out, but it still felt good. I tell myself it's to increase the hormones that help the ocd/ptsd concoction that I have not be so bad. That way I'm not frustrated by limited weight loss results.

Being in that program in Orlando seriously messed up what was a very positive string of treatment. I know I can't do anything about it now, but it bothers me so much. It's upsetting. And it's cold outisde. I don't like the cold.

Adendum: I tried to write today, but it didn't come out very well. It was fantasy related. That's all that appeals to me for now.

I came downstairs, where there is a TV, and just happened to turn on Two Towers. It makes sense, since Fellowship was on yesterday. I've seen that pretty much from beginning to end, but have only seen small parts of Two Towers when it's on TV. I could order that and the last one from netflix, but I'm still watching farscape, and that's going to take a while. I would really like to watch the trilogy with Bill giving commentary, like I did Troy. I have a feeling this would be more awesome. But that's not likely to happen so for now I'll enjoy my film.

Earlier today I accidently watched Anne Coulter on the Fox News Channel. They were talking about an S&M club at Columbia. First of all, I looked it up and it's a bdsm club. Get it right, Fox. I won't even ask Coulter to get it right. At the end of the spot she suggested, with absolutely no evidence, that the members of the club were the product of single parent homes. I won't even start on my feelings about single parent homes and how they can be much healthier, nevermind safer, than some two parent homes. I changed the channel after the segment, feeling guilty for having watched Fox News, but especially Anne Coulter, for so long (about three minutes). I was going to write her, but I don't want her to know I was watching.

Thanksgiving went well, even though the girls weren't here. It was a very sparse group, just the core family but without Jacki and the girls of course. Michael was highly amusing. We attempted to play taboo, but it didn't work out so well. I got to see some of my brother's friends over the weekend, including Michael F. and LT. I also actually saw one of my friends, and it was Caren, which adds to the shock. Yes, we finally got to see each other.

Looking for an apartment in the city is frustrating. It took me all of about ten minutes to get an apartment in Ithaca. The democrats have control of the house and senate, as mentioned previously. I wrote some letters to Senator Clinton and to the president regarding Darfur. I didn't realize until today that Clinton has a very good record regarding Darfur, urging the UN, Arab League, and China to take action. Of course, no one will. Arg. What good is it to write letters urging elected officials to urge other people when they won't take the final step and go into Suan whether the Sudanese government wants them there or not. The African Union can't do it alone.

The democrats have taken the House and the Senate (even if J says 51/100 isn't a real win). Also, John Hall won the NY 19th and will soon be replacing the much needing to be replaced Sue Kelly. As for gay rights, they were completely stomped on, especially in Colorado, which I wouldn't have thought. John Stewart continues to rock my world.

Kerry made this dumbass remark today. The sad thing is that if Americans could stop wrapping themselves in the flag they would realize that what he said was very responsible. In fact, I don't even think it's Americans at all who are at fault this time. It's the other two culprits - the media and the politicians. I know that at least half of the democrats who admonished Kerry would eagerly give his exact advice to their own children.

Erica is leaving. I'm kind of sad, but I haven't really been feeling any emotion except frustration much recently. I like her and all, but we didn't have time to get to know each other so much anyway.

I babysat for two girls this weekend. They're two and three and really cute, and even though it was very tiring at times, I realized it was much easier than the mental stress of being in the TLLC program. Regardless, I'm back now. I have a new housemate, Erica, also from Menninger. There are going to be two new guys in the program from there, in addition to Austen, who like Erica is mature enough to enjoy being around, and we have gone to coffee shops and such.

A plane leaving the Netherlands, headed for Mumbai turned back, escorted by two F-16s. From the article, I couldn't tell if the turnaround was the idea of the captain or the F-16s, but it doesn't really matter since they were all obviously trying to prevent some sort of destruction to the plane or other areas. I haven't felt the world falling apart this much since the US invaded Iraq. Israel is so far off the front page. I'm going to read Ha'aretz and the Jerusalem Post to see what's happening.

I got a new roomate yesterday. Her name is Stacey, she's eighteen, and she's from California. I thought it was kind of weird that she was so young, but I really don't notice it much, and she's nice, and we like some of the same TV, and it's nice to have a roommate.

Advertisement